Random funny momments

We decided to have a family NCAA bracket pool. Amy and I did ours and then asked the kids to choose their teams. Marc, being very analytical wanted to know "which team was better" and would not choose the lower seated team unless Amy told him the two were almost the same. Lisey took a much more unique approach. She chose her teams by name after we read her the names of the two teams playing at each level. Some of her favorites included "George Attack", "Virgin Attack" and all the schools with Texas in the name because "Texas is where Sandy from Sponge Bob is from.

Marc came into my office the other day after school. As he was unpacking his back pack he said "Hey dad, wanna see my evil rectange?" He then pulled out an index card folded into a 3D rectange. "See, it's evil, it even has teeth!" Sure enough he had added teeth.

Today he was cleaning out his bag and pulled out 5 pictures all labeled "farting robot." I asked, did you shar ethese with your teacher? He replied "he wasn't there today so I shared them with the sub. As a matter of fact, I shared them with my whole class!" (His exact words, he's such a funny kid.)

Then there's all the interesting comments I get from my students.

Two kindergarteners from a different class then my son giggling.

Me: What's so funny?
Girl 1: Nothing, well she has something to tell you.
Girl 2: No, I can't say, you tell him.
Girl 1: OK, Marc (my son) loves her.
Girl 2: Yeah he does, he loves me.
Me: really? Did he tell you that?
Girl 2: Oh no but I know he does because I saw him looking at me.
Girl 1: Yeah, he's in love with her.

First grader in an exasperated voice: "Hey Mr. Snyder, I got my ear pierced but mom didn't know which side you were supposed to do and I got it on the fruity side." Now how do you deal with that one? We've got a gay slur, obviously provided from someone at home, but it's also obvious that first grader has no idea what "fruity" means. Whether I like it or not, it is not my place to be teaching first graders about human sexuality so I decided the best advice I could give him was to go get the other side done as it's become pretty acceptable for boys to have both sides pierced.

3rd grader requesting a library book.
Her: Do you got any books by dat guy dat be tryin to write poery and stuff?
Me: Ummm, Shel Silverstien?
Her: Yeah, dat guy!

Here's a fun one from a few years ago when I taught fourth grade:

4th grade boy, small, nervous, Charlie Brown type. We're doing Mad Libs because I always found they were a fun way to reinforce the parts of speech. We had done them in the past and I always reminded my students when it asked for a part of the body, they needed to keep it appropriate for school.

Me: I need a part of the body.

Student: Balls. (in a deadpan serious voice, not an ttempt to get a laugh from classmates)

Me: Excuse me?

Student: I said balls.

Me: I need to see you in the hall for a momment. (move to hall) Do you know what that word means.

Student: Yes your privates (still in a voice that insinuates hehas no idea he has done anything wrong.)

Me: Do you understand that is totally inappropriate to us in a school activity. I'm really dissappointed in you. I want you to go home, write me an appology letter (that was the satandard punishment that year so we could improve writing for out high stakes testing) and have your mom sign it. (I'm so mean!)

Monday morning, student gives me his note and it reads "Dear me, I'm sorry for using an inappropriate word during our activity in class on Friday. My mother has discussed what is appropriate and what is not for school. She has also bought me a dictionary so I can look up words and see if they are appropriate. The only reason I though it was Ok is that I used nuts two weeks ago and you didn't say anything.


Undeserved snow day

Lake effect snow was on the way this morning and HCPS did something they rarely ever do. They cancelled school before the snow got here. We have this great new system that actually calls at 6:00 to tell students and teachers if school is delayed or closed. So I was plesently surprised to get the call this morning when it wasn't even snowing yet.

After sleeping until about 9:30, I watched Time Warp Trio and Sponge Bob with the kids in a half awake half asleep state. When they got bored of TV and were at each other's throats, I made their lunches and decided to take them sledding. There was barely enough snow for sledding (and definitely not enough to justify a day off school :P ) However, I figured they were light and our $2.50 Target clearance sleds were plastic so maybe it would be ok.

I tore through the closet attempting to find snow gear for the kids and myself. I had my snowboarding gear and Lisey fit into Marc's old snow pants and coat. There was also a pair of incredible hulk cotton gloves that used to be Marc's and a pair of rain boots, previously Marc's as well. How the hell did we make it to March with no winter gear, oh yeah, it was 50 degrees most of the winter. Anyway, Lisey was suited up, home goodwill style but what about Marc. Unfortunately it was white trash sledding for Marc. He did have a hat, gloves, and a winter coat. Unfortunately, jeans and sneakers were just going to have to be OK.

Even in the getto gear, the kids were very excited as they had never been sledding before. Don't ask me how that happened, it was probably because last winter after spending half an hour getting them geared up to play in the snow, they took two steps out the door, comlained it was too cold, and went back in.

Anyway, they were very excited as we drove up to the middle school to sled. To our suprise we were the only ones taking advantage of the big hill covered in and inch and a half of snow. The kids were both a little nervous and excited at the same time. We walked to the top and I sent Marc down, following cosely behind with Lisey on my lap. When we got to the bottom, they were both so excited. Both of them were troppers, walking up the hill over and over without complaint. By the end of the afternoon, they were going down on their bellies, backwards, and any other way they could think of. Lisey was going all by herself. I was really glad I had taken them out after all.

When they were finally cold and tired, we headed back to the house, stripped off the wet clothes and went in the hot tub. It was a great day. No profound point to make, just had a fun day off with the kids. The other day Marc told e he was going to sell me on eBay so hopefully I'm in their good graces again now.