No, no, not the anal probe! (Warning: gross post)
The continuation of the camping entry:
So we get home and Lisey still can't get things moving. Amy had book club at 7:00 and we were worried about Lisey and worried about having people over while Lisey's trying to birth a monster. By the time I got all the camping gear hung up and settled, it was obvious Lisey needed assistance. Unfortunately I was still gross from camping all weekend with no shower and wearing my stinky camping clothes. Amy's group was due to arrive soon so I was had to take Lisey to the emergency room looking and smelling like a skank.
When we arrived there, we found out the hospital is under construction, the ER has been temporarily relocated, and there are about 60 people in the waiting room. After about 30 minutes we are called into triage (I'm glad she wasn't bleeding to death), and the nurse asks Lisey to point to the smiley face showing how bad it hurts. I didn't know I had to coach her, she points to just a little. (Noooooooooo!) We head back to the waiting room.
After 2 hours of watching people who arrived after us get rooms and leave, Lisey starts complaining it hurts bad. Alright I tel her, then you need to point to the hurts bad smiley. We go back to triage, the nurse asks how bad it hurts, Lisey points to the bad smiley and the nurse goes to find us a room. If we hadn't gone back, we may never have been seen.
Only read on if you are not easily grossed out.
So Lisey get a gown, and I put her slightly stained undies to the side. The nurse comes in and tells Lisey they will be taking a picture of her belly and it won't hurt. She leaves and the doctor, a small Indian woman, arrives. She tells Lisey she wants to take "a look" at her bottom. She then shoves a cotton swab stick up Liseys ass and tries to dig the offending blockage out. Lisey, as surprised as I am is now screaming at the top of her lungs as the doc digs for all she's worth. I'm still trying to figure out if I should be holding Lisey down or the doctor. I mean gosh, at least warn a person before you shove something up their ass.
After deciding this method will not be successful, she sends the nurse in with an enema kit. Again, they quickly flip Lisey over, shove a tube in her ass, and squeeze about a cup of liquid up it to the soundtrack of Lisey screaming. I feel sooo bad for her. The liquid instantly sprays back at the nurse how is obviously pissed off about the situation, and they determine it didn't work and they need to do it again.
Lisey figuring out what's going on say, no "I need to poop." The doc says let it work a few minutes but Lisey starts yelling "I NEED TO POOP!"
The doctor finally agrees to let her try. She then gives me directions to the bathroom :down the hall, turn right at the first hall, go a little ways, turn right again, thrid door on the right." WTF!!! There is no bathroom in the room? We can't get a bedpan? I have to carry her across the hospital about to explode with anal seepage dripping from her ass? (Sorry, but you need the whole mental picture to understand the absurdity of the situation).
So I truck my dripping daughter through the halls of the hospital, wait for the lady who is using it at that moment (again, wtf? doctor!).
Lisey sits down and tries to poop with no luck. She tells me she just want to go home. I then have to explain to my 4 year old that if she can't get this guy out right now, sh has to go back to that roo and the mean nurse will shove another tube of liquid up her butt. I guess this discussion was quite persuasive because she proceeds, with the determination of a pregnant mother, to birth something that scientifically should not have been able to come from a person that small.
It was then time to clean her up. The only thing int the bathroom was the cheap half ply toilet paper they use in public restrooms. But wait, I had a pack of wipes in my pocket because I had been taking her in public restrooms all day. Who's the man?!?
Cleaned up, we went back to the room. The doc was doubtful she was done but I convinced her there couldn't possibly be more. A few minutes later we were on the way home.
Talking to Lisey about the ordeal on the way home, I told her she had sprayed poop on the poor nurse. Lisey said, "well she sprayed that stuff up my butt so I sprayed it back on her!" I love that kid :)
So we get home and Lisey still can't get things moving. Amy had book club at 7:00 and we were worried about Lisey and worried about having people over while Lisey's trying to birth a monster. By the time I got all the camping gear hung up and settled, it was obvious Lisey needed assistance. Unfortunately I was still gross from camping all weekend with no shower and wearing my stinky camping clothes. Amy's group was due to arrive soon so I was had to take Lisey to the emergency room looking and smelling like a skank.
When we arrived there, we found out the hospital is under construction, the ER has been temporarily relocated, and there are about 60 people in the waiting room. After about 30 minutes we are called into triage (I'm glad she wasn't bleeding to death), and the nurse asks Lisey to point to the smiley face showing how bad it hurts. I didn't know I had to coach her, she points to just a little. (Noooooooooo!) We head back to the waiting room.
After 2 hours of watching people who arrived after us get rooms and leave, Lisey starts complaining it hurts bad. Alright I tel her, then you need to point to the hurts bad smiley. We go back to triage, the nurse asks how bad it hurts, Lisey points to the bad smiley and the nurse goes to find us a room. If we hadn't gone back, we may never have been seen.
Only read on if you are not easily grossed out.
So Lisey get a gown, and I put her slightly stained undies to the side. The nurse comes in and tells Lisey they will be taking a picture of her belly and it won't hurt. She leaves and the doctor, a small Indian woman, arrives. She tells Lisey she wants to take "a look" at her bottom. She then shoves a cotton swab stick up Liseys ass and tries to dig the offending blockage out. Lisey, as surprised as I am is now screaming at the top of her lungs as the doc digs for all she's worth. I'm still trying to figure out if I should be holding Lisey down or the doctor. I mean gosh, at least warn a person before you shove something up their ass.
After deciding this method will not be successful, she sends the nurse in with an enema kit. Again, they quickly flip Lisey over, shove a tube in her ass, and squeeze about a cup of liquid up it to the soundtrack of Lisey screaming. I feel sooo bad for her. The liquid instantly sprays back at the nurse how is obviously pissed off about the situation, and they determine it didn't work and they need to do it again.
Lisey figuring out what's going on say, no "I need to poop." The doc says let it work a few minutes but Lisey starts yelling "I NEED TO POOP!"
The doctor finally agrees to let her try. She then gives me directions to the bathroom :down the hall, turn right at the first hall, go a little ways, turn right again, thrid door on the right." WTF!!! There is no bathroom in the room? We can't get a bedpan? I have to carry her across the hospital about to explode with anal seepage dripping from her ass? (Sorry, but you need the whole mental picture to understand the absurdity of the situation).
So I truck my dripping daughter through the halls of the hospital, wait for the lady who is using it at that moment (again, wtf? doctor!).
Lisey sits down and tries to poop with no luck. She tells me she just want to go home. I then have to explain to my 4 year old that if she can't get this guy out right now, sh has to go back to that roo and the mean nurse will shove another tube of liquid up her butt. I guess this discussion was quite persuasive because she proceeds, with the determination of a pregnant mother, to birth something that scientifically should not have been able to come from a person that small.
It was then time to clean her up. The only thing int the bathroom was the cheap half ply toilet paper they use in public restrooms. But wait, I had a pack of wipes in my pocket because I had been taking her in public restrooms all day. Who's the man?!?
Cleaned up, we went back to the room. The doc was doubtful she was done but I convinced her there couldn't possibly be more. A few minutes later we were on the way home.
Talking to Lisey about the ordeal on the way home, I told her she had sprayed poop on the poor nurse. Lisey said, "well she sprayed that stuff up my butt so I sprayed it back on her!" I love that kid :)
posted by Exvestigator at 12:10 PM
1 Comments:
HA! Go Lisey!
I actually had a similar desperately painful incident when I was a kid and my parents were *not* that supportive. Like when I was screaming "I HAVE TO POOP", they were admonishing "don't say 'poop'".
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